The Crows Nest

Emerarld Bells of Jeoffer (a level 20 pirate) monologues to a mute child about her last days on Ellecrid and how she hopes to live her new modern day life to the fullest.

This was inspired by a chapter in the Witcher book series by Andrzej Sapkowski, wherein Geralt speaks with a mute holy woman in a very ‘therapist session’ way. It is one of my favorite solo standing chapters in all of literature.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide, gun violence, and death.

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Characters

Emerald Bells of Jeoffer - Cat-folk, Swashbuckler Gun Slinger, was reborn in a modern day setting to give her soul peace

Mal - 6 years old, was an adult shadow runner but was changed into a mute child

Seige - demigod? angel? god? God? co-owner of Brennen’s in NOLA.

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“Oh, I see my old hiding spot has been revealed. Need some company tonight my smallest sailor?” A smile and a shifting of sitting arrangements is her answer. As her eyes turn back towards the stars, a soft sigh leaves her. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my job at the restaurant, but damn, nothing beats this.” She taps the wood beneath her. “She’s quiet, just the sails, splashing waves, and creaking wood. Not a sound, but she’s faster than any on the water.

“I made her, ya’ know? Well, not I. I only procured the materials. Found her alone, in the open ocean, not a soul to command her. Don’t give me that look, it’s the truth! Well, yes it was I that persuaded the captain to leave but he never really knew what he was doing anyways. What captain listens to an erratic, 3ft tall tabaxi with no prior sailing experience?”  She pulls a corked bottle from her bag. “But I did help defeat the dragon turtle that became her hull and deck. That monstrosity was like none else. You should have seen my bosses face when we came up with that trophy. You’d think he was actually impressed!” With a thunk the top of the bottle is off. She takes a deep gulp.

“He was a strange one. A blue half dragon, four wings, breath of lightning and fire, quick as the devil, and almost as fast as me! And he was smart. Or at least he knew how to act like it. He’s the one that gave me this hat, and my title of Admiral of the Band of the Bloody Stars.” A sigh. “He’s also the one that eventually took it away. I never understood why he chose me for the job in the first place. I mean, I know I’ve got the fastest boat on all the seas, but I’m not the best at leading men to their deaths. When he first offered me the job, you know what I did? I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. Scared my crew half to death, but I didn’t care, I had to get away from the responsibilities I felt forced upon me. I wanted to be a sailor at that point, but I had little understanding of what it meant to be a captain. 

“That night I didn’t sleep, and it was the first time I took off these boots since I got them. I wanted to be alone, but I wasn't. Our friend, Reese, watched over me all night long, made sure I was safe. He helped me reach a conclusion, no matter how wrong it ended up being. After that I figured, it’s not about how many I could lead to their deaths, it’s about those that would follow in after me.” A swig of ale.

“I’m glad Reese got another go at this. He didn’t deserve what happened to him in that bloody monastery. Earning your redemptions, just to lose yourself entirely for almost 3 years? The god of fate on Ellecrid must be cruel bastard.” A swig of ale.

“Not like they’re much kinder on Earth, from what I’ve heard. Your friends, and all. Yeah, Seig and Merc mentioned it briefly, just that you are the way you are and there is no real news of your old teammates. It reeks, doesn’t it? You’re here, safe, but you can’t help thinking of them. I understand that feeling. I do! Did you want a swig? Come on, I won’t tell Sig. That a boy.

“Yes, the gods can be cruel. I didn’t always look like this ya know? I used to be about your height, furry all over, face full of whiskers, and if I am being fully transparent, all I wore was a belt for my sword, a hat, and my boots here. And to top it all off, I fell for a human boy, my childhood best friend. I was a mess. You can’t have a tabaxi with a human, that’s just strange! Don’t give me that look, the current age of Earth is a lot more progressive than the time I was on Ellecrid!  

“Anyways, you cash a couple favors, and BOOM! Human! Well, as human as a favor could buy me. By becoming more humanoid, I could spend my life with Draken, him the most fearsome Pirate of the skies and I, the queen of the seas. But as I said before, the gods can be cruel. My life span quadrupled, and it took me too long to realize what that meant. He would die, and I would live long after.” A deep gulp and sigh, as she leans her head against the wooden barrel. 

“I think my extended years doomed me, kid. Whoever wishes for immortality is a daft fool. You change too much for it to be considered one lifetime, and to top it all off, you have the joyless privilege of watching the ones you care about most, leave you behind.

“It wasn’t the first time he left me, ya know. When we were kids in Jeoffer, he promised me. ‘It’s you and me Em! Once we gather the coin, we’ll make it out of this grimy old city and face the seas head on!’ And then, he was just gone. No word. No notes. Just gone. I thought for sure he had been killed or jailed, but with all the charges on his head they would have made it more public. After those theories were squashed, then came the worst thoughts of all, maybe he forgot about me. The small scruffy cat girl with little but a pocket knife to her name. Maybe it’s possible to care for someone with your whole being, but for them to not feel the same. Found out later that was the same but still, when I saw him many years later the first thing I did was stab his boots.” A long sip of drink.

“Even after Cardinal gave me the news, I expected a signal. A letter. A sign. Something that let me know he wasn’t actually gone, only in hiding or lost. There were many evenings I would look at the stars and hope to see his ship passing over. In my dreams, he would sweep me off my feet and take me to the secret hideout he had been building for us and we would live there as rich as kings for the rest of our days. But nothing. He was gone, for good this time. Not even a piece of him survived. Now all I have is this.” A dulled ruby cut in the shape of a heart, strung on a silver chain, is tucked back under her shirt. A deep gulp and sigh.

“I think Tia’s shocked me the most. I didn’t know her as well as I wish I had, in our past. She was loud, stuck up, never had to want for anything, other than her freedom, in her childhood. One of the best bard’s I’ve ever known though, and she doesn’t need the magical instruments or the weave to assist her, those were just bonuses. She started her own band, made her own music, created a damn near cult following in a matter of years. I fully expected her to outlive us all being a high elf and all. But a jadded fan’s bullet caught her between the eyes in the middle of one of her concerts. Poor Cardinal. Within 100 of his immortal years he lost two of his best friends. I haven't been to many funerals, but her’s was definitely the worst. Cardinal was unreachable. I’ve never seen Nicolye so distant. We had only recently gotten all our memories back and then... she was gone.

“Reese’s was next, from our old crew. His was peaceful, from what I was told. I still hate myself for ignoring his last letters. I was gone for so long, by the time we met up again he was a mound of dirt and stone. That man deserved a celebration, but he likes to keep things simple, I suppose.

“Milo liked to stay in his tower working so I can only assume he died doing what he loved. Building things to protect others for when he was gone.

“I wish I knew what happened to Gut. He was strange, had a habit of mixing in with the wrong crowds, but birds of a feather…

“I only got to meet up with Ord a couple times, but his aloofness made it hard to miss him once he was gone. If I am being honest, I probably missed his coin more than his company.

“Oh me? You want to know how I died? That’s a bit personal don’t you think? Well, after this much drink I am not too stingy on any details, my friend. The truth is, I don’t know kid. I was changed after Mesomime. Desperate, consumed with guilt, fixated on the feeling that if I ever stopped advancing, I would never move again. That didn’t change once we got Reese back, I still struggle to relax, even in this world.  

“The same could be said after the events on the Howran Plains. My soul never healed from the stresses of looking a god in the face and killing it. Years later, I could still hear the gurgle of blood coming from her lungs. It made sleeping hard. 

“Once it was all over with, I hopped on my ship and sailed, as far and as long as I could. I needed to outrun the nightmares of idleness and guilt that had haunted me for so long. But even a ship as pure as this one has to meet a port eventually. The Yowling Wave would go missing for months, years even. All sorts of fun rumors would circulate as a result. One of my favorites was that we had wandered into the Sea of Sorrows, and would never return. 

“But we always did. My image as the resurrecting Pirate Queen was well renown, but many believed that I did change with each new appearance. I was gracious, cruel, orderly, disastrous, profound, insane, as drunk as a sober sailor could be... 

“When Draken died, a part of me died with him. I refused to port for over a year. My crew mates fled if they could, but many died due to starvation or sea madness. Hell, my old boss actually had to make sure I wasn’t actively trying to kill myself and my shipmates. I don’t remember if I was or not.

“I got lost in drink, got sober, only to spiral again a few years later when another tragedy struck. I doubled my crew so I could sail faster than ever before. Then, I halved my crew just so I could afford the herbs that could help me forget how badly I was fucking up. I couldn’t stay still but to travel constantly became impossible. I lost track of time, forgot which way was north, and could no longer trust the stars that had guided my sails for over three hundred years. I sailed around the Craine Basin twice before my first mate took the wheel from my hands. 

“If my heart had died with Draken, it was my soul that drowned when that cruel storm broke my ship in half. All I could do was lead my remaining crew to their early graves. But, I didn’t die with them. No, my death came from the fact that I, the greatest captain of the seas, could not, would not, go down with my ship. My beautiful ship. The way she screamed and creaked in the waves, the winds tearing through her sails, the carcass of a dragon turtle and the pieces sewn into her, falling apart in the waves. Once the storm passed, I just stared at the waters beneath my feet. I couldn’t remove the magic that bound me above the waves. I couldn’t move, couldn’t cry. I let my most prized possession slip from my fingers, and all I could do was stare. 

“I died standing on those dark waves, with my belly full of ale, nose filled with herb, and this beautiful gun to my head. I knew that if I couldn’t end it before hitting the icy waters I wouldn’t be able to drown myself.”

A long drink. A sniffle and brushing of salty tears before a heavy sigh. 

“When that voice offered me a second chance, I couldn’t take it faster. A chance. That's all I had wanted. Things could be different, I promised myself. And they have been! They have been different. Look around! I’ve surrounded myself with friends old and new, and I won’t push them away like I used to. This time, I’ll listen to their stories in full, embrace their every quirk , and never move to our next great feat without due celebration of what we have already accomplished. I’ll give them a captain, a leader, worth following. And I swear it to you Mal, I won’t disappoint! I’ll be gracious in praises, cruel to our enemies, orderly in all affairs, disastrously profound in all my insane thinking, and no one will look upon me and think that I could be sober! I’ll be an inspiration worthy of song! I’ll lead my crew to battle, and by the gods of my old world and new, if my beautiful ship goes to the bottom of this ocean I will follow it with a smile on my face and glint in my eye so everyone will know that I was not afraid. Not this time. I will not lead anymore of my men to their deaths! You hear me, god? I demand it!” 

A hiccup. Soft snores and a sigh were the only sounds cast into the winds of the Yowling Wave. The smallest member of her crew now fast asleep on the captain's lap.

“Well, at least no one will hold me accountable to my drunken ramblings.”

“Emerald. It’s late. You should get some rest. We land in Menagerie tomorrow. We need you at-”

“I know, I know Sig. I hear you. I’ll turn in, I promise. Just a moment more.”

“I don’t need your nicknames. Also, next time I see you feed him any liquor I’m scheduling you at 60hrs with no overtime.” 

“Goodnight, Siege.”

“Goodnight, captain.”

A crooked smile as her head turns upwards towards the stars. 

“You know, Mal. These stars aren’t so different from the ones back on Ellecrid. If you tilt your head, Orion looks just like the Bow of Feinreal. And the little dipper is only missing a star or two to become the Dread Wolf’s claws. And the waves sound the same. My Yowling Wave sails just as good.

“Mal, remember, a home is where your crew is. Never forget it.”