One Choice

“IF UR HHAD TEH CHAHNCE TO CHAHNGGED UR FAAEETE, WOUUULLD YA?”

What if Minlara never left the Cavern World? What if she stayed at home, and did her family duty? What if she never signed the warlock pact with her grandfather? This exercise gets to the core of your character by asking “who is your character without their adventures?”

—

“No.” Her voice was swallowed by the darkness. When the voice she had come to hate did not respond, she spoke again, louder. It felt good to defy the disembodied voice stuck between her ears but that did not stop her hands from shaking.

“What was that?” The words echoed deep within every crevice in her mind. She tucked her knees in closer to her chest and closed her eyes to avoid the tears from spilling. It had never given her it’s name, only that it wished to help her, guide her, and show her her destiny. And it had been nothing but trouble. Stealing a book for a ritual ended her in detention for the rest of the semester. Trampling Father’s garden only for him to yell at her. He had never raised his voice at her before. But the worst offense? In her greatest proof of loyalty yet, she had cast her great great great grandfather’s brooch into a flame. Only after it left her hands did she realize her mistake. Nothing could ever replace it, and no amount of power or destiny would ever make up for the look of grief that had crossed Mother’s face when she discovered what had happened.

She knew her parents were trying to get her help, but every hush, concerned look, and raised brow only borrowed her guilt deeper. Her father had said it himself while in his fit of furry. He couldn’t recognize his little girl anymore. 

How many more trials of faith would it take? How much more hurt must she do to her parents? Why wouldn’t this voice just explain itself? She felt a hot flash of anger that began to break apart her cold tight fear. No more. Minlara was finished.

“I said no!” Courage against the voice began to bloom in her chest as her anger burned brighter. “I don’t want to keep helping you! All you do is hurt my family and I am tired. Hasn’t this been enough for you? Haven’t I done enough for you?”

The voice chuckled, its deep hum rumbling near the base of her skull. “I will decide when it is enough. Now my dear, tomorrow I need you to-“ 

“No!” The courage had spread and she took to her feet. “I said I am done! Now leave me alone!” 

“Minlara, you are being unreason-“. 

“I don’t even know who you are!” She screamed. “I want you to go away and leave me alone!” It would never leave her, and she knew that. But it felt good to scream. It felt good to overpower the voice with her own.

“Minlara if you would only listen-”

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

She screamed. She screamed to drown out the voice. To drown out the shame.

She screamed so loud, the voice could not warn against repeatedly slamming her back against the cave wall.

She screamed so loud, the voice could not tell his great granddaughter to watch out for the falling rocks.

She screamed, until a piece of the ceiling forced her to stop. 

—

“Minlara! Your sister is here!” 

Minlara jolted awake, feeling the residue of ink plastered on her face. Another ritual diagram ruined by an ill timed nap. She tore up the parchment and tried to ignore the salty droplets that had bled through onto the other papers. She wiped her eyes, stretched her tight shoulders and stood, taking a moment to let the blood return back to her legs. She hated that dream. Memory? Hardly made a difference now that she was awake. That is what she told herself at least once a month. Better than over two times a night, right? 

“Minlara! Did you hear me?”

“Yes, mom, I heard you. I’ll be right out, I promise.” Minlara winced as she stepped her way over to a looking glass.  She hadn’t forgotten Calcia’s visit, only lost track of time. As she fixed her hair, she prepared herself for her sister’s arrival. 

It had been a little over a year since her sister had left home and Minlara thought of her everyday. According to the frequent letters she sent, Calcia had met quite a few friends, started her own guild even. Minlara had combed through each letter over a dozen times, gleaming every bit of adventure she could from the delicate handwriting of her sister. Sometimes, right before bed she would imagine herself there next to Calcia. The two of them fighting off assassins, exploring dungeons, and laughing all the way. But when the dawn came and reality set in, Minlara knew she was where she was meant to be. 

While Calcia was traveling, Minlara had been spending her decades in classrooms and libraries, studying the essence of magic. All her professors said she had natural talent, but she always fell short when it came to trials and tests. The stress of performing caused all the knowledge in her brain to fade. Like she was trapped, and the knowledge was just out of reach. Or the weight of the pressure in the room caved in on her, and she would have to stop early to make the feeling go away. 

Her professors suggested a study group for many years. “Practice with each other and lean on one another for guidance.” That was another aspect where she fell short. It wasn’t that she disliked her peers. They just didn’t see things like she did. Each of them had a goal. A limit. To become a professor, to help the community, to start adventuring like Calcia. But Minlara didn’t know what she wanted. Magic came naturally, so she followed magic wherever it went. It was what she was meant to do. 

When she heard the entrance door down the hall open with a thud, Minlara couldn’t wait to finish fixing herself. She swung open the study door, tripped on her sleeping feet, and blinded herself on a body in her path. Minlara looked up, already greeting her sister, but she was met with a different face. Half elvish features with blue scales on his cheeks and hands. Boyish, but strong. And just as confused as her. Minlara couldn’t help but stare. Where have you been? 

“Hey.” She said dumbly. Do I always sound like that? 

“Hey.” Where did she know that voice? It was familiar. A dream? He frowned for a moment. Did he feel this too?  “You got something there.”  He reached up and wiped the dried ink from her face.  “There.” His hand dropped. A silence filled the space between them. I have known you. Where have you been? 

“Minlara!” Calcia firmly embraced Minlara, and time returned to its normal pace. Has the world always moved this quickly? “I see you have met Ezra. He is the one I was telling you about! Did you get all my letters?”

Calcia hooked Minlara’s arm and began walking towards the dining room, leaving Ezra in the hallway, alone and examining his hand.

—

By the time dinner was served, Calcia had introduced her other companions properly and told a dozen or more of their tales. 

Kension Riowhichi, an extremly skilled fighter from a distant land who, when not shaking the table with his laughter or shamelessly flirting with Minlara’s mother, appeared to fade back into quiet thought. Minlara wondered where he went in those quiet moments, and what he hoped to find there. 

There was Alec Thane. A boisterous man child, who clearly never had a mother that loved him enough to teach him any manners. The pity Minlara felt was quickly dashed after he made a sly comment in her direction.  

And of course, she was officially introduced to Ezra Drake. A half-dragon with the posture of any high born, and the mouth of a pit fighter.  

Minlara tried not to study each of them too closely. She found it most difficult with Ezra. 

When she couldn’t take another distasteful comment from Alec, Minlara took a sip of wine, and spoke softly in elvish. “Sister, do all topsiders speak every mindless thought that passes their brains? Or is it just your friends?” 

Minlara’s parents stopped eating, stunned at her rudeness. To speak a language not know to all guests is disrespectful.

“My apologies.” The Munkirdane’s all turned as Ezra spoke in Elvish. “Our companion is useful in a fight, but not so much at the family dinner table.” He smiled. His elvish was quiet. It was confident. It was familiar in a way she could not explain. And Minlara wanted to hear more. 

“Where did you learn the tongue?” 

“My mother. She is from Eldicarin”

“Eldicarin? Does your father live there too?”

He chuckled. “No, he lives near the Twisted Scragg.”

“The Twisted Scragg?” Minlara fumbled over the words in elvish. “Is that where you learned to fight then?” 

“Minlara, it is not polite to have a private conversations in front of our other guests.” Minlara’s mother spoke in the common tongue. Alec and Kension’s eyes bounced between Minlara and Ezra. She had forgotten they were there.

“My apologies. I wanted to ask my sister about more of your adventures, but didn’t realize not everyone spoke the tongue. It was rude. I am sorry.” 

She was laying it on thick, but she knew her parents preferred extreme politeness over a guest’s wounded pride. Before her parents could correct her, Calcia began telling another story from their adventures. Minlara and Ezra’s eyes met a couple times more, and she swore she saw him wink once. 

—

Even through dessert, there were more stories to tell and when their parents had gone to bed, the Band of the Bloody Stars and Minlara snuck quietly into the meeting room to continue their tales over hot chocolate and tea. 

Minlara soaked up every adventure, every joke, every word. By the time it was her turn to speak, she realized how little she actually had to say.

“Well, I am at the top five of my class at Vazmyr’s Academy, I am on track to finish within the next 15 years.” 

Was that it? After all these hours of tales, all I had to show for myself was a sentence?

“Fifteen years?!” Ezra swore. 

“Yes, fifteen more years.” Minlara couldn’t help but laugh. It really was a ridiculous thought.

“What are you studying that takes that much time?” Alec spoke up.

Minlara paused before answering. “To be honest, I am not sure. Like Calcia I have always had a deep connection with the arcane, but I still haven’t found my niche. There are so many possibilities, it’s almost impossible to decide.” 

”You can learn a lot from books and scrolls, but the best education is found outside of a study hall.” Minlara had thought Kension had drifted off, but now it seemed the entire room had its eyes on her.  

“But how can you know what you are looking for if you don’t know what is out there?” 

“You don’t.” Calcia was the one to respond this time. “But no library yesterday, today, or tomorrow will be able to contain knowledge on everything arcane about this world.” She was smiling but her words seemed to cut something deep inside Minlara. What she heard was, No matter how hard you study, you will always be behind. I will always know more because I have left, and you have stayed. 

“Did your great grandfather tell you that?” The words came out bitter, and the room quickly soured.  What am I doing? 

Calcia’s smile dropped. She took her time to respond. “Minlara, he is your great grandfather too.”

“No. No he isn’t.” The life that had once filled the space between had been broken and soured. Why am I like this? She is only Beloved because I chose not to be. It is not her fault, and now I have hurt her infront of her band. No wonder I don’t have friends like these. 

A single voice cracked through her spiraling mind. “You should come with us sometime.” Declared Ezra. “It would do you some good to get out of these caves.” 

Before she could jump to say yes, before she could smile and apologize for her attitude, before Minlara could thank him for just a single chance at regaining her destiny, Calcia jumped in a heartbeat quicker.

“No way! Minlara doesn’t have an adventuring bone in her body! She’s much too comfortable with her books and her studies. I tried years before I left and I always got the same answer. ‘You, Calcia, will find your greatest adventures on the surface world and I will find them in great books.’ The one time I DID convince her, she ended up crying the whole time!” Calcia turned to Minlara. “That moment made me realize you were right all along. I am meant for the great adventures and she is meant for the great books. Right, Minlara?”

Calcia smiled at her. Smiled. And despite the cold anger that had started to pool in her stomach, despite the tightening in her throat, Minlara knew Calcia was right. No matter how much she regretted it, she could not ask for her destiny back. She had given it up, forever. So even as her mind screamed at her to run away with them, to turn to Ezra and tell him yes, to embrace her lost destiny… Minlara gave her best grin to her sister.

“She’s right. What is fifteen more years in my life? Besides, I wouldn’t want to ruin my boots. ” She had meant the last part to be a joke, but found no humor in her voice. Bad actor. Bad friend. Bad sister. After a sustained pause she thanked the half-dragon. “Thank you, Ezra. For your offer.”

He smiled directly at her. He knows I am lying.  “Of course Minlara. Anytime.” He paused as well. Again time slowed. If he asked me again, I would say yes. Please ask me again. “Did Calcia ever tell you about how we had to save her from an Ethonian peacock attack?”

The room once again filled with life as Calcia screeched. “ You will NOT tell my sister this story!” As Ezra began the tale, she moved to hit him. The room roared with laughter as he continued the story, expertly dodging her strikes, as she too laughed. 

And in that moment, while she smiled outwardly, Minlara felt all the crushing misery that she had pushed away for decades. This feeling often found her in the dark libraries late at night, or in her early morning exams, when she could go hours without anyone speaking her name. This feeling carved an agonizing pit into her heart. It was yearning harmonized with years of guilt at every useless late study night. It was furry for having convinced herself that the easiest path would have been the one to make her the happiest. And it was sorrow at the loss of life she could have been living. A life she had told a voice long ago that she did not want. Minlara had chosen to give up her destiny, and now she could do nothing but smile as Ezra continued his story and held Calcia’s fists as she tried to kick him. She could only watch as Kension and Alex exchanged useless bets with smiles on their faces. Loneliness ate deep into Minlara’s soul as she watched them and found herself regretting every step she had taken thus far that had not led her to them. This group of friends she could count on. This was her lost destiny. As she laughed at one of their jokes, with a plastered smile on her face, she could think of only one thing. 

Oh, what she would give to be the beloved.